June 22, 2009

• Mentorship

  My dad’s birthday is June 19, so it’s usually close to Father’s Day and sometimes coincides.  I called him both days and had some good, convicting conversations with him.  It reminded me of the following article I wrote for the February 2008 issue of the MBCLA Chronicle, our church newsletter:

  
  

  “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm.”  -Proverbs 13:20 (NASB).  This proverb teaches the principle that character is more caught than taught.  The emphasis is on walking and companionship, not teaching and scholarship.  It is also a continuous action, not a one-time event.  Young’s Literal Translation puts it a different way: “Whoso is walking with wise men is wise, And a companion of fools suffereth evil.”  Other Bible verses emphasize the importance of walking with wise and godly friends (Proverbs 2:20, Psalm 119:63) and avoiding foolish and evil friends (Proverbs 1:15, 2:12-19, 28:7, 2 Corinthians 6:14).

   

  The MBCLA Men’s Mentorship program gives mentees an opportunity to walk with wise men and build relationships that probably would not have been formed outside of the program.  Much of the learning will be through “osmosis,” perhaps even subconsciously.  Additionally, there will be accountability and revealing blind spots (Proverbs 27:6), mutual encouragement (Proverbs 27:17, Hebrews 10:24), and perhaps some positive peer pressure.

   

  These elements are already present in the English Young Adult Fellowship small groups, so what’s so special about mentorship?  Well, for one thing, mentorship is one-on-one.  Shared experiences draw people together.  Shared experiences between just two people draw them closer together than experiences among a group, even if it is a small group.  When your time and attention is focused on one person instead of divided among many, there is more and better communication.  Communication is essential for a relationship.

   

  The experience also feels special, unique, more intimate.  No one else will have the identical experience.  More privacy facilitates trust and intimacy.  Many of the special times I cherish were one-on-one: breakfast dates with Dad, teaching my brother to drive, teaching my sister to drive, long discussions or playing times with a friend, lunch with a close boss, sharing and praying with just one small group brother.

   

  Also important to relationships is regularly scheduled time.  People drift apart without continuous interaction.  I don’t consider myself a relationship person.  I’m content spending time by myself for long periods without human contact, as long as I have some box (whether computer, television, or book) to occupy me.  Unless I have to, or I’ve already agreed to, I seldom step outside the house.  However, as Rick Warren writes in The Purpose Driven Life, “Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is ‘T-I-M-E.’”  This is probably why most people have only 5 close friends, though they know about 150 acquaintances.

   

  I look forward to shared experiences, activities, learning, and a deep friendship with my mentor.  We have some shared interests that I’m sure I’ll enjoy.

   

  Regularly spending time one-on-one to build a deep friendship can be done with peers, so why an older mentor?  There’s something that an older mentor can offer that peers can’t: life experience.

   

  Though not always the case (Job 32:7-9), wisdom tends to come with age.  “A gray head is a crown of glory; It is found in the way of righteousness.” -Proverbs 16:31 (NASB).  The elders who served Rehoboam’s father, Solomon, were wiser than Rehoboam’s peers (1 Kings 12:6-11).  Experience in a godly Christian’s life brings not just spiritual maturity and strength of character (Psalm 37:25, 34:8, Hebrews 5:14), but practical wisdom for work, finances, family, relationships, and other areas of day-to-day living.

   

  The character, wisdom, perspective, knowledge, skills, resources, and connections that come from experience could be learned from books, most notably the Bible (Psalm 119:99-100), so why do I need a relationship?  Interaction and feedback make a personal guide better than just a map and make a mentor better than just a book.  We learn better from “show and tell,” not just “tell.”  Great pianists didn’t learn piano from an instruction manual.  Great coaches make good athletes great.

   

  Whenever you read a law, medical, investing, or tax self-help book, it always disclaims that it’s giving legal, medical, investing, or tax advice and to consult a lawyer, doctor, financial advisor, or accountant.  These professionals provide specific advice tailored to your particular situation versus the general information in a book.  As for the Bible, God Himself opens our eyes (Psalm 119:18), enables us to understand (1 Corinthians 2:10-14), and reminds us at the right time (John 14:26, 2:22, 12:16).

   

  1) Regularly scheduled one-on-one time to build a relationship, 2) life experience, and 3) interaction make mentorship unique, rich, and effective.  For me, there’s another reason to have a mentor.  Ideally, your parents should be your mentors.  My dad lives halfway across the country.  There are some things he can’t do from a distance.  A mentor is like a local father, just like the men in my small group are like brothers.  “Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, And do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away.” -Proverbs 27:10 (NASB)

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